How to Give and Ask for Honest Feedback Anonymously

Many people only tell the truth when nobody can attach their name to it. That is the promise and the danger of anonymous feedback: it can reveal what people really think, and it can give cover to cruelty. Whether you are asking for feedback or giving it, a few habits make the difference.

If you are asking for feedback

Vague requests get vague answers. "Any feedback?" invites "you are fine". A specific request invites specific replies.

• Ask about one thing: "What is one thing I could do to make my presentations clearer?"
• Ask for examples: "Can you remember a moment when I was hard to follow?"
• Ask for a balance: "What should I keep doing, and what should I change?"

Post the request in your answers or on your profile so people understand what you want. Then decide in advance that you will not try to identify the sender. If you will be tempted, do not ask.

If you are giving feedback

Anonymity makes it easy to be harsh. Use it to be honest, not to be harmful. A good test: would you say this sentence out loud if the person were standing in front of you, in the same tone? Compare:

• "You are so annoying in meetings."
• "In meetings you often talk over others before they finish. It makes it hard for people to share ideas."

The second version describes behaviour, gives context and suggests an effect. It is just as honest and far easier to act on. Avoid commenting on someone's body, family or identity. Those are attacks, not feedback.

Reading feedback without being crushed

• Read it once, then wait. The first reaction is usually the least accurate one.
• Look for patterns. One unfair comment is noise; the same point from three people is information.
• Separate the claim from the tone. A clumsy message can still contain something true.
• Ignore the unusable. Insults without content tell you about the sender, not about you.

If anonymous messages start to hurt, take a break, and read what to do when you get a hurtful anonymous question for what you can do. The psychology behind why anonymity changes how we speak is covered in anonymity and self-disclosure.

When it is not feedback anymore

Repeated, targeted messages are harassment, even if they claim to be honesty. Delete, block and report. See blocking versus reporting.

The short version

• Ask specific questions to get specific feedback.
• Give anonymous feedback you would say face to face.
• Look for patterns and ignore insults.
• Treat repeated targeted messages as harassment, not feedback.